It isn’t very easy to put everyone before yourself. You are taken advantage of most times and you forgive them all because you are ‘nice’. You think that because you’re nice, you can’t do what is best for you because it might hurt someone, they might hold a grudge and then you are manipulated into feeling culpable.
But that is not how it works. People aren’t nice. They do what is best for them without giving a second thought unlike you. They hurt you and walk away as if nothing happened. And there you are, DOOMED. Those are things you cannot do. You cannot be selfish, inconsiderate, mean, narrow, self centred, greedy, self seeking or out for number one. Your heart is seven times big and never shows any signs of shrinking.
It is not in you to stop caring about others. Karma is your accomplice who constantly keeps telling you – Be who you are. There aren’t enough people out there like you. Hang in there and keep doing your bit. Sometimes it is good to be in charge of yourself. It is human to load yourself with things that are good for ‘YOU’, that acquaintance you forgot about while you were busy worrying about the whole world.
It isn’t a crime to stick up for yourself. I used to believe that saying ‘NO,NIX,NAY’ is wrong and that I wouldn’t be able to look into the mirror eye to eye. After everything life put me through, I still chose to remain soft. A lot of people thought of it as my weakness and made it an excuse to walk over me. I sat down, rationalised and turned things to myself – I might be the reason or I deserved it.
People don’t know the meaning of reciprocation, they forget all your good over one bad you do, without analysing why you did what you did. They all knew you were ‘nice’, then what made you do something so scrimpy and mingy. Everyone has their own reasons, just like they had when they chose to take advantage of you for being simpatico and take you for granted.
Maybe it’s time to focus on ‘ME’. I am not here to take responsibility of everyone’s feelings all the time. I cannot fill others up when my own cup is empty. I owe myself the same kind of love, kindness and everything that I always gave everyone else. I am not a reflection of those who cannot love me. The way people treat me is not what defines me. What makes me who I am is the courage to love boldly and care deeply and I won’t let anyone take that away from me.
Note to self – I’m gold but people prefer silver sometimes, and it is OK.
thoughts by N 